Saturday, January 20, 2007

life has been tonggang terbalik for me eversince 28 December 2006. its has been almost a month yet things are not slowing down. in fact, problems arises even before the previous problem has been solved. but what can i do. should i say that this is a test to the relationship.

i never fucking expected to be hurt in this way. well, probably by doing that to me, it will make me realise some values in the realtionship. well probably it was because i was the one who started creating problems. but how could he do this after being together for 5 fucking years and going through all thick and thin with me. fine whatever it is, shit happens to the both of us and we both had our share in hurting each other.

to make matters worst, a "friend" who was gone and totally shut off from my life since the past 5 years came back into the picture. and she has no bloody rights to comment about my relationship or give advises or whatever the fuck she was trying to do. yes, i don't deny the fact that he needs someone to talk to when shit happens between us but of all people why her when he knows that i fucking hate her to the core. what was in his mind at that point of time? ape kepuasan dia dapat lepas jumpe that "friend". all my efforts was wasted down the drain after all i've done for him after what she did to him 5 fucking years ago. well, things happened. its either i take it positively and take it as a BIG lesson to be learnt or negatively and act immaturely of what had just happened.

nevertheless, i am typically touched by the kind gestures my buddies had shown. narrowing down to people like abu, lan, indra, iska and lina. they are a great bunch of people. frankly, i have always been looking forward to going to work since 28 december last year as they are the ones who could make me happy and put aside all the stuffs that was/is happening to me. how they actually found out i was having problems was after i receive a phone call from his dad. they saw my eyes red. dammit. i'm so embarrased.

another person who could see changes besides my family members was his dad. never in my life he called me before. he did this evening. he called and asked what happened. nothing much said except a lot of "okays" coming from me after every single sentence he said. well apparently his sentences all ended with a "Dengar tak?", "Faham tak?" or "Okay tak?". so what else could i possible reply except for okays right? the thing that really made me feel so appreciated and loved by them is that eventhough i did tell him that i was the one in the wrong in the first place and whatever he did hurts me to the core, he said "no. no matter what you did or who started it first his son was the one to be blamed in this matter. i love you all so much and it pains me to see the both of us sad and very different lately. its obvious that the both of u are not seing each other often now. i wanna talk to the both of you on monday. no matter what happen, i want all this to stop cause i can't bear the sight of both of u being like this." i was speechless. i didn't expect him to care this much. at that point of time i broke down and he heard it. or was he just menjalan-ing his duty as a dad? i'll take it positively that he cared just to make myself feel better once.

well, only time can tell what will happen next. i'll leave everything in his hands and take it positively that with all these happening, it will make me into a wiser person.

this entry is getting long. time check: 0500hrs. getting off here. will update soon.
kepada semua umat-umat islam diluar sana, selamat tahun baru!
Get Lost @ 1/20/2007 04:33:00 AM